fuck my life

So on the fourth day of my fast I ATE.
I was so disappointed in myself.
I couldn't even face updating.
But yeah, I've started my fast again today.
Only for two days this time though.

I've got a doctor's appointment in two days time.
And I am TERRIFIED.
What if he notices I've lost weight?
What if there's a sign that I'm losing weight that i don't know about?
I wonder if I drink a load of water, that'll make me weigh a little more..
I hope to god he doesn't weigh me.


I checked my BMI today.
17.4
Which is apparently underweight.
So why don't I feel it?

Maybe I'm not really 6ft. like I thought, Maybe I'm actually 5.9.
Which would put me at 18.6.
A BIG DIFFERENCE.
Or maybe my scales lie and I'm not really 126lbs.
I feel more like 140.
BMI 20.7
The thought is unbearable.

xoxo